This is a duplicate post, but I originally made the question far too long, and included a bunch of my own ideas that aren't likely helpful. I tried to edit that post and bump it, but it stayed burried, so I'm reposting the new (hopefully improved) version of the question here.
I'm just going to share the gif, and hopefully it's something that someone recognizes. I'm sure it has to do with import or project settings or similar.
Basically, my sprites are deforming in different ways when I move the player. Sometimes they shift in one of the cardinal directions, and sometimes they expand or contract on the x or y. It happens regardless if the camera moves.
The title says "Unity Problem" but that was just a mistake when I posted it. This is in Godot.